Jan. 12th, 2017

sartorias: (handwritten books)
Feel free to pass right on by, since this post is not me looking out at the world so much as me looking at my desk. Specifically having finished a 225 k book, wrapping a series, and setting up the next. This is the last of the ones that has scenes written fifty years ago. Incorporating those into new material has been such a learning experience.

There's also the emotional drain after going some really, really dark places. I wonder if I was able to finish because of profound depression after the disaster of the stolen, manipulated election (in which enough people found reason to vote for Donald Trump, something I cannot understand. I do understand conservatives wanting to put a halt on what they consider too much change too fast, though I don't agree when it comes to certain social freedoms, but I can't understand anyone believing a word out of the mouth of that man, and not seeing that he's a narcissistic liar, a spoiled, petulant emotional sixteen year old who, give power, will be very dangerous. To us, ordinary citizens. Not to the rich, or his kleptocrat allies).

But this entire series is about the struggle against the dark side of human nature, so, well, there it is. Now, of course, to find out if I did what I set out to do, or committed boring, confusing hogwash. Force aside, art, like leadership, lies in the minds of willing participants.

The thing I realized this morning while lying in bed listening to sweet rain outside the open windows, is that this kind of emotional drain is addictive, unlike the emotional drain of disasters and pain. It's always been that way, clear back when I drew out stories in comic book form. The only high that gets higher is when a story writes itself. But those can't be commanded--if they arise at all, they spring fully formed from the murk, a miracle. Learning how to pull stuff out of the murk and shape it, like learning how to revise, is a different kind of high, one I've only been sort of kind of getting a hold on these past twenty years. Peril and pitfall of being visually oriented, maybe. Maybe.

So! On to the next, of which huge chunks exist. I might try piecing it out on Scrivener--I really want to learn to make it work for me. But it's been such a struggle. I want my tools to be instantly usable, and I've been batting at this one off and on for a couple of years.

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